I am going to walk the quarter today for you, so I can feel you close to me. I know how much you would like to be here my Jessica. I am missing you so much!!. Today I woke up so depressed...do not know what happened..I thought I was getting better...I know you would not like to see me sad. Yesterday was a long day for me, I spent almost all day without seeing one person, it was just me and the computer. I woke up yesterday with so much anger for whoever did this to you and for how things happened that in my way to school, I only had awful thoughts, thoughts full of hate. I can't believe I spent your last days being with someone that, after so long and so much, betrayed me in such a way, instead of having been with you...that really breaks my heart honey. I know you never liked him...you can't imagine how were August and September for me. They were probably the worse times I have had in my entire life. It was probably better you never knew what happened and never saw me in the state I was, I know you would had traveled all the way to Colombia to kick him at his b... I know you loved me, you told me so, many times. I remember the day you said it, you were the first in saying it, it was the first time I heard that from a friend..you made me feel important and appreciated.
I hate the fact that someone believe so much of himself/herself as to take your life and to leave this big scar in our lives.
This weekend will be three months without you...I hope to be able to write something nicer later, I am unable of doing that that right now.
2 comments:
hey ivonne, man do i ever know how you feel. there isnt a day that goes by that i dont feel like somebody has ripped my heart out. jess loved that quarter. i remember the last 2 times we came down there the fun we had walking around haveing lunch/dinner, getting our palms read (my first), listing to the live bands, checking out the local painters, eating the famous crepe at.....cafe du monde (the kids made a super mess with the white powder jess thought it was the funniest thing ever because she didnt have to clean it up) then heading back to harold's "guest" house for a midnight swim acompanied by a refreshing bottle of red:)
one thing that i still crack up about when i think about NO is the time jess, kim the kids and i were out swimming having a few drinks and victora was learning how to spell mississippi ( since we passed through this state on our dirve down) i think jess and i spent 3 hours with her on this. we laughed so much that in the morning when we woke up to a fresh pot of coffe all we could talk about is how much our cheeks hurt from laughing so much.
wow it feels good to get some of this out but will the pain ever go away???????? i dont see how it ever could. im so glad that i got to spend the time with her that i had and that the kids got to see how special and unique she was from showing them how to make home made razoli to showing them how to pop the heads off dandilions. they to loved her. they were supposed to grow old with her. she was going to be there for them when they needed some body to talk to and tell them about all the crazy places she had been and things that she has done. thanks for having this web site hope it was all right to vent it felt good:) now i have to go get a towel to clean up all the tears on my key board. lol!
Hi Brandon, Thank you for your comment. I guess the first thing I must do is to apologize since I never had the strength to call you. I got your number since I was in Colombia, but I was so upset I thought that was the last thing you needed..hear me crying. I am sorry. I think about you, your mom and your grandmother every day. Jessica loved you all so much, a couple of weeks before I left to Colombia, she showed me the album your mom had made for her. She loved it, I went through each picture asking her to tell me something about that specific moment of her life. I specially loved the pictures with all the pets you had. And I remember that the chapter about you and her began with a beautiful banner that said Best Friends. Your mom did such a great job with that album. Looking at the pictures, we laughed a lot too, I know she was happy Brandon, I know she had many happy moments in her life, but I know also it was not her time to leave yet and that is what really upsets me the most....
I am glad in knowing, you had such a good time with her here..I was really looking forward to meeting you, your wife and your kids..I am sorry that never happened. I send you a big hug, please give a big hug to your mom and grandmother for me.
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