Friday, August 7, 2009

This weekend, a year ago, Jessica's life was taken away. A year went by and we were left to deal with her absence..constantly missing Jessica the daugther, the sister, the aunt and the friend, painfully dreaming with what could had been a future with Jessica in it or what would she say to us when we needed her..

We also have to deal with the impunity of her murder and with the impotence of seeing the days go and not knowing what else to do, or blaming ourselves for not had done enough...familiar feelings to whoever had lost a close friend or a family member I know, familiar yes, but that dont make them any easier of dealing with or less painful.

In the meantime, the moster who took Jessica's life so brutally, lived one year more trying to cowardly blend among us, pretending he is one of us, perhaps showing concern and sorry for
Jessica's fate..stupidly thinking we buy his acting..the truth is, he is not like us, and so he decided it himself when he chose the way of his actions..for whoever did this, I feel pitty, and disgust.
To someone that has been able of living one year with the memories of the last minutes of my friend's life in his mind, I cant have compassion. I dont want to talk about this or in this way any further..not here in her blog..regarding this person, I only want to say that I truly believe we wake up in the bed we made.

A year later I don't miss Jessica less or more...I miss her is a feeling that it is always there and that I am sure joins each of the days of her family and friends. I am truly sorry for all of is unfair and unconceivable that the acts of such a deplorable being touched the fate of good people...that should not happen, and it shouldnt had ever happened.

Finally I want to share with Jessica's family and friends some words she had for me last year, when I lost someone I really loved. I treasure all the emails I have from her, and this one I know might help us all a little bit at this time. Jessica emailed me this on May 21st, 2008:

"Ivonne, honey, I am SO SO sorry about your lose. But he had a good life and he loved you. I know that doesn't help the way that you are feeling. I've had so much lose this year and what I've learned from it is how important it is to remember the 'good' times, all the things that death can not take away. Call me, write me, if you want. And HEY send me your address so I can send you fun NO stuff this summer. Miss you and love you, J."

This weekend let's do that, let's honor what she suggested me, and remember the good times
each of you had with Jessica, that's something he can not take away from us.

p.s: This Sunday 8/9, 1 p.m. in the neutral ground of St. Claude Ave. outside Harold's Plants, between Press and Montegut Streets, the groundbreaking for Jessica's memorial garden will be hold, the first plant for her garden will also be planted.

1 comment:

Dawn Allenbach said...

Damn! I wish I would have known about the groundbreaking! I would've been there, and I'd have brought Sarah with me. Please blog about it, Ivonne!

I've been thinking about Jessica for a week, knowing it's been a year. Damn, damn, damn.