Wednesday, December 17, 2008


I took this picture at Jessica's, I remember Cassie was there when I arrived that night, I also remember we drunk beers and talked (and complained!) about our never-ending subject.... This flower was Jessica's new "thing" that week, she always amazed us by having beautiful new plants around her house...this flower was so beautiful that I could not believe it was real!!

After four months it is still hard for me to realize you are not here. People might be tired sick of hearing me (reading me) saying that, but..God!....if they only knew what you were for me...
I am home now and I can't help myself remembering the plans we had made about you coming to visit my country, I remember how excited you were when I told you my parents did not speak liked the challenge! haha!, I also remember promising I would take you to see the Andes and the top of their mountains, the only places we have snow here...I promised, I would take you to the beach too and that I would cook delicious Colombian meals just for you. You were going to be my field "assistant" too, when I thought about studying Catasticta, those butterflies that lay their eggs on epiphytes at the top of tall trees in the cloud forest of the Andes...I remember how much we dreamt on spending weeks in the forest, watching all kinds of insects and plants..

I am planning in working in my Mardi Grass costume here, my mom is going to help me, since my sewing skills are basically none! haha. You know I never had the time or the "mood" of involving myself into a real Mardi Grass experience but next year it will be different..I want you to be proud of me wherever you are......I bet though, you can tell I've done many stupid things since you've been gone...but also you know how hard I am with please believe... I did all of that in trying to be truly faithful to who I am....just like you always were...if you just could known how many beautiful people you left in my may understand my reasons better....I have put myself into so many wonderful probably would not recognized me..ha!.

You always had beautiful words for I'm missing hearing them....I'm missing the calls, the emails, the text messages...even though you hated me for having "infected" you with all that cell phones tech...I know I am definitely a better person because I met you, and due to all the teachings you left in me...I am sure meeting you was the most wonderful thing I had in my life.

I wish I could fool myself and believe the emptiness and sadness are going to disappear whenever we find out who did this to you....I can't....I know nothing will bring you anger growths as I think this person lives a normal life..and enjoys everyday moments he/she avoided us of enjoying with you... I am tired of waiting...I hate seeing days pisses me off thinking people might have already forgotten about you..and, that they might believe you are just a number...just one more of some many killed in NOLA on 2008...I feel anger when I think again how unfair all of this is, because you did not deserve this, neither your family nor us. your absence is such a loss for me, and I know this pain will be my heart forever..

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