Your Garden

I went to visit Jessica's garden today. The garden is coming out very well thanks to the communal effort of Lee, and Cassie. Jessica would be so proud of her friends, I truly appreciate the dedication and love that Cassie has put into it.

Here are some pictures, you can get an idea of how it looks like so far.

As you can see one of the flower bed is ready and blooming but there will be 5 more coming!!.


These are closer views of the flower bed.





Cassie and, I think, Patrick chose carefully the plants they used for the flower bed, to make sure they will be blooming all year. The plants look very happy there, here are some closer shots of them.




I will keep you guys updated once the other flower beds are in place and rolling!! :)

Hugs, and kisses to y'all!

Ivonne

10.14.09

I know you know, I haven't forgotten about you, life just gets in between and we lose tracks of minutes, hours and weeks. Cassie, Michael, Kelly and I always keep you in our conversations. I like to go through our moments..how hard we used to laughed!! I can pictured you next to me, like if it was yesterday..I can pictured every wrinkle of your hands and face...each of them.... I am sure you know that. Your hands, your character..your heart, I haven't met anyone like you...such a perfect blend.
My Jessica rest well knowing the ones you loved are doing well and think about you all the time.

This weekend, a year ago, Jessica's life was taken away. A year went by and we were left to deal with her absence..constantly missing Jessica the daugther, the sister, the aunt and the friend, painfully dreaming with what could had been a future with Jessica in it or what would she say to us when we needed her..

We also have to deal with the impunity of her murder and with the impotence of seeing the days go and not knowing what else to do, or blaming ourselves for not had done enough...familiar feelings to whoever had lost a close friend or a family member I know, familiar yes, but that dont make them any easier of dealing with or less painful.

In the meantime, the moster who took Jessica's life so brutally, lived one year more trying to cowardly blend among us, pretending he is one of us, perhaps showing concern and sorry for
Jessica's fate..stupidly thinking we buy his acting..the truth is, he is not like us, and so he decided it himself when he chose the way of his actions..for whoever did this, I feel pitty, and disgust.
To someone that has been able of living one year with the memories of the last minutes of my friend's life in his mind, I cant have compassion. I dont want to talk about this or in this way any further..not here in her blog..regarding this person, I only want to say that I truly believe we wake up in the bed we made.

A year later I don't miss Jessica less or more...I miss her constantly..it is a feeling that it is always there and that I am sure joins each of the days of her family and friends. I am truly sorry for all of them..it is unfair and unconceivable that the acts of such a deplorable being touched the fate of good people...that should not happen, and it shouldnt had ever happened.

Finally I want to share with Jessica's family and friends some words she had for me last year, when I lost someone I really loved. I treasure all the emails I have from her, and this one I know might help us all a little bit at this time. Jessica emailed me this on May 21st, 2008:

"Ivonne, honey, I am SO SO sorry about your lose. But he had a good life and he loved you. I know that doesn't help the way that you are feeling. I've had so much lose this year and what I've learned from it is how important it is to remember the 'good' times, all the things that death can not take away. Call me, write me, if you want. And HEY send me your address so I can send you fun NO stuff this summer. Miss you and love you, J."

This weekend let's do that, let's honor what she suggested me, and remember the good times
each of you had with Jessica, that's something he can not take away from us.

p.s: This Sunday 8/9, 1 p.m. in the neutral ground of St. Claude Ave. outside Harold's Plants, between Press and Montegut Streets, the groundbreaking for Jessica's memorial garden will be hold, the first plant for her garden will also be planted.

Whenever we were together,

we always laughed so much about life and people...I miss those laughs..I loved your sense of humor..always dark and smart... I can't believe it was a year ago when we were going to see Billy Joel at Jazz fest..if was a shame we ended up not going...

I talked to your mom the other day..it was heartbreaking..if you only knew how much she misses you..

I met the other day a fast friend you made on a ride in the street car, we are now friends too; just wanted to tell you because I know you will be happy in knowing so.

There hasn't been a day I don't think about you, what you would say, what would we be doing...

here with us

These are pictures from yesterday, Kelly, Lee and I remembered many of our favorites moments with Jessica. I hope she could felt our love and respect for her, wherever she is now.

Today you would be turning 33...you should be here with us...and we should be planning your bday party for tonight...God..this is hard..everything is so hard without you...
I have so many vivid images of you today....of your hands specially..they were so tough for such a sweet and soft person like you...I also remember the way you used to put your hands on your jaw ....and the other day, I remembered that day we played tennis..you had such a great service..
We are gonna light some candles for you today, we will have lemons and drift wood...
As Michael said, we all hope you are having a blast with Ernie and Antoinette K-doe over there. We love you babe..and will not forget about you..you blessed us all with your life, your love and sweetness made us better persons..muah!

...

I can't believe how time flies. Mardi Gras was fantastic...the parades were Ok..I am not crazy about them anyway..the march bands on the opposite, were amazing..they are my reason to go.

We missed you so badly.....but we also talked about you all the time. Kelly and I managed to put our costumes together almost in the last minute...plus a couple of slepless nights. I met someone you met during your last Mardi Gras too. It was a nice coincidence, he found my cell phone on the ground..I was apperantly close to him and he asked me, I had not even noticed I had lost my cell phone. My friend Micheal told me, who he was and I showed him your picture in my cell phone..that one that I took at city park...I treasure that picture.
I will have that day in mind forever, like if it was yesterday when we sat in that bench..and you took a bottle of wine out of your purse!!..surprise, surprise..we drunk wine with cookies that day..the wine was sweet..very sweet..ha!..something special for sure. I catched some cool beetles and you said a had a good eye to find them, we exchange some of them too.

I can't stop thinking in your birthday..and how close it is. This is so sad honey..you should be with us..

Always with us

This is a picture of Jessica that was uploaded into the Facebook group of Jessica, I decided to bring it here for those that are not in the Facebook. As I see her picture I can only think that one is not where the body is but where one is missed the most. I miss Jessica everyday that's how I know she is all the time with me.

long nights

Honey..
Can't sleep again..after almost a whole bottle of wine...nothing...it used to work..
I have probably said this way too much...but you never asked me for anything...never...why was not I there for you?..what can I do for you now?..I know these words came too late...

my hope under siege

Someone told me months ago, that at least, you know now what comes after all of this; the question, unanswerable for us, of what is awaiting after life, is a certainty for you now….What is it honey? Is there really a heaven?
I now see so many good reasons in being such a believer…for the time being...I want to believe that whatever it is, it could not be worse than what we see on earth..and if that is true then it is true to say we leave this world to rest…the world is a hopeless place my Jessica. The way you were taken from us is evidence of that…
I guess you would be saying Ivonne stop it!! and asking me why am I so tragic and dramatic all the time!…and that instead, I should be enjoying what life gave me. I do enjoy life and I am very conscious on how lucky I am…but that does not mean I don’t think life is painfully unfair.
I did not want to start on all the problems my country has but...I just heard the government defined that 2 million of Colombians, who represent the poorest sector, will make only $497.000 pesos monthly this year (approximately 250 dollars!!), I wonder how they make a living out of such a misery, the saddest part is that those are the lucky ones that got a job: 10% of Colombians do not receive a formal salary and have what the government calls “informal” jobs meaning…they work by themselves selling whatever they can on the streets…it is sad, very sad…and God only knows whether that figure (the unemployment percentage) is true or not….the DANE (the national statistics department) was found to be lying on this government figures not so long ago…so probably the real figure is worse than 10%.

That’s only one part..let’s don’t talk on murders, kidnapping and impunity...I don't have a reason to believe that we are the only ones with such problems...(I'm thinking of Mexico), Colombia is only the case I know the best…but people keeps killing each other every where...I can only pray that someday..hopefully soon.. Israel and the US will stop and think again what they are doing in Gaza.
I don't pretend in making your blog a political debate..I just needed to vent this..I keep losing faith..or what the non believers call hope.
Last night I wake up in the middle of night and was you the first thing that came into my mind…I could had been dreaming about you…I used to have beautiful dreams and used to remember them…for some reason I can’t do that anymore…

Eternity by William Blake

I was reading your beloved T.S. Elliot tonight..and somehow
I ended up stumbling on to my beloved William Blake,
who wrote this:

He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity’s sun rise.

It reads like if it was made for you.